I am here to announce the formation of a new cult. This comprises a short list of people in school who either fervently believe I like someone, fervently believe that someone likes me or are fervently trying to hook me up with someone. From here on, these sad, sad people with no apparent lives of their own will be refered to as the Cultists Of PairingS, or just COPS for short.
Anyway, I was doing the usual walking around campus during lunch because, let's face it, lunch gets boring once hte titular meal has been eaten and there's no free access piano to keep me occupied. Anyway, walking around and I get trapped by the COPS. I try to quickly answer whatever they want to say and then walk the hell away while their senses are down, but today they are keener than usual in getting their dirty cultists hooks into me. I tried to run at least 5 times, but they kept calling me back, and honestly, you don't run from the cult or
they will find you..... Anyway, trapped in conversation. It was then that I got to appreciate firsthand the true power (pronounced: idiocy) of the COPS. These people have an endless supply of personal questions and lack the basic courtesy to not ask them. It is best summed up by the cultists own words.
Cultist: "Do you have any questions for me?"
Me: "No."
Cultist: "Ok, then I'll keep asking you questions."
Fear the boredom. Anyway, they attempt to pair me with at least 5 girls and 1 guy throughout, with my side of the conversation mostly limited to "No." As said before, I tried to escape, but really, there is no escape. I try and give them a subtle "I will kill you painfully" smile, which I'm pretty good at, but apparently the culture here is so full of falsehood that they can't see a smile beyond the lower half of the mouth. Completely missed the Eyeful of a House of Flying Daggers.
Please don't sue.
Halfway between, a classmate of mine walks past. I ask her to save me. She says I look like I'm enjoying myself. Given the amount of crap I give her during class, I kinda figured she'd say that. We have a sad sort of friendship based on respect and mutual insults. Anyway, the COPS then think that I'm going out with her. Kill me now.
Incidentally, when I later told her of the harrowing experience, she said more or less the same thing.
Anyway, after a while I leave my body behind and start visiting places in my head, seeing as the COPS interrogation is pretty monotonous, but then they do something which rips me right back to reality. They pulled in another Chinese girl into the questioning, introduce the two of us and then say "You two should go out." The poor dear's eyes then start to resemble those of a poor deer's as it stares at an oncoming car's headlights. I just sadly say "This is as freaky for me as it is for you." However, she's Chinese unlike the cultists, so from then on I answer their questions with insults which only she can understand. Just to break the air of oOber awkward that had befallen.
I eventually make a dash for it when they leave to look for the first girl they paired me with. Back into the Chem lab. A couple of the guys were busy redecorating, and by redecorating I mean taking the desks, leaving the chairs and shipping them to the far sides of the classroom. We even put one on the teachers table, shoved all his stuff on top of it, put another behind it and put his chair on it, just so he could have an elevated workspace. Then we hid in cupboards until the bell rang. He didn't kill us, so yay.
Quote of the day wasn't made by me, but by a study hall reject in chemistry. Cher asks her to get out because she's disturbing the class. She retorts with a "Your class is already disturbed." Kudos.
