From Monday to Friday, I was attending an OBS course, the details (or lack thereof) of which will list here. However, for those of you working on a time constraint and/or without the patience to wade through five days of fashback, I will offer an abridged version.
OBS course, short edit: TOTALLY FREAKING AWESOME!!!!!
OBS course, long edit:Monday: Well, the night before had been spent at a friend's place, and said friend's mother fetched me off to Punggol point jetty at a time rivalling that of flag raising. What a brilliant start. Anyway, once there, we spent an exorbitant amount of time waiting, mostly due to the fact that schools which came LATER than us were GOING FIRST. Anyway anyway, we eventually boarded the boat for Pulau Ubin and said goodbye to civilisation.
Once there, we were introduced to the majesty that is OBS camp 2. After a mass briefing, we were then introduced to our watch instructor, now affectionately referred to as Crazy Sam.
What's he like? Well, much like the course as a whole, he is TOTALLY FREAKING AWESOME!!!!! Why will be made clear later, particularly when I list his quotes. What few I can remember; there were definitely more.
Anyway, after another short briefing, we go kayaking. Or more accurately, capsizing. This was apparently to get us ready for when we go boating for real. I spent most of it swimming and trying not to care that my only pair of shoes had just been lambasted by seawater.
Anyway, after that, we pitched tents and cooked, in near total darkness. For a first time for many of us, I don't think we did too badly. Granted the rice was a bit sandy, but what the hell; it added flavour. The tents looked brilliant, and thankfully the ground wasn't that hard. Sleeping was easy.
Tuesday: When we woke, we undertook the joy that is slashing tents, and right after were introduced to Sam's brand of morning exercise. Thanks to him, my freshly dried shirt that had been recently assaulted by seawater was now drenched by a rival brand of seawater, with a much higher percentage of ammonia in it.
After that, we undertook belay practice, in case any of us lost our nuts in a coconut tree and we had to go fetch them. Fun, but not that high. According to Sam, his mother could climb it, and I believe him. Anyone's mother could do it. Pregnant.
After that was done, we were sent to trek to the second campsite, ironically referred to as OBS camp 1. While walking, it started raining, and we found out that not only were our ponchos useless at keeping us dry, they were freaking hot. Or maybe temperature control was the goal to begin with. Oh well. Eventually we got there.
After camp 2, which was a remnant of quasi-civilisation, camp 1 was heaven, at the very least at the level of semi-civilisation. There were actual facilities and this time our meals would be prepared by the cookhouse. We dropped everything and headed straight there, by now slightly tired of dry rations and sandy rice. Food was good.
After that, we endured yet another briefing involving tomorrow's events. Seemed easy enough. Until they drove us out of the aircon room.
Once again, tents up in darkness. But at least we didn't have to cook. Tents were once again set up well, and sleeping, for me at least, wasn't a problem.
Wednesday: First thing we did today was rockclimbing. A few years ago, a math teacher of mine said I should take it up. I've always wanted to, but never did anything about it. Now was my first time, and nothing beats the high of reaching the top, except the high of reaching the top again. My only regret is that I neglected to thank my belayer.
After that, we got ready for what we were briefed on the previus night: SeaEx. We got in our triyaks, coincidentally three to a triyak, and started to row our spindly little arms out to get to another part of the island. Why in the hell we would want to leave camp 1 is beyond me, but I guess the allure of drenching my shoes a second time was too great to resist. After 3 hours, we finally reached there. The trip itself was rather uneventful, and to my knowledge only one boat capsized on the way. Relaxing much. I didn't put on sunblock, but I guess its fine since it rained for most of it.
We finally landed at the new campsite and were faced with the horror that was non-civilisation; grassy wastelands to pitch our tents, which truthfully was done half-assedly due to imba division of labour, frogs in long grass and toilets being holes in the ground that we dig ourselves. Fun. That night was undoubtedly the worst night, because of a big case of a little thing.
Ants.
That's right, the Great and Tiny Scourge attacked us, or more accurately our tents, our backpacks and pretty much anything that can be referred to with the word 'our'. But it doesn't just stop there, oh no. These weren't just ants, these were
commando ants. They snuck up on me, biting me only in sensitive regions and somehow landed on my head to bite, and somewhere in between my balls. Good for them. We cleared them out of the tents eventually, and, exhausted, slept. But not very well.
Thursday: Well, the day couldn't possibly be worse than yesterday. We woke up an hour late, and that set EVERYTHING behind. At the end of everything we ended up 2 hours behind schedule, which sucked. What rocked though was that we were leaving the campsite. What sucked again was that we were leaving on foot. After another round of morning exercise, we slogged 7-8 km, at full backpack capacity, back to camp 2. With Sam periodically picking up stones and putting them on our packs ninja style. And he did pushups when we rested. Along the way, we got to the highest point of Pulau Ubin, and at the summit, Sam made us shout out our goals. Mine? Get married. But not during the course. Not that I'm discounting any of the girls...
Anyway, we ended up really really late at the campsite, but who cares? We were back at campsite 2, and after non-civilisation, even quasi-civilisation seemed like a bleeding paradise. After a feast of dry rations, we were ready for something else: Raft building.
Being the joker that he is, Sam started by first locking the 15 of us inside the storeroom. Told you he was awesome. This activity was an amazing one, because for once, we were almost on time; only one more knot was left undone. And when Sam pulled us into a circle to do our reflections, I tied the last knot behind my back. Whee.
The final activity of the day was the single best one: Jetty Jump. By now, I totally couldn't give half a wild boar's ass about the state of my shoes, so off we went to the jetty to jump off.
Standing there, facing the island, Sam once more asked us to shout out our goals, be they the same or different from before, and take a step off and plunge into the green sea beneath. This time I wanted to be the Best Dad in the World. The most mindblowing thing about this was that two members of my watch, one hydrophobic and one acrophobic, managed to summon the courage to jump off. You two are amazing; stay that way.
Tents up again, but this time, another watch with an underabundance of food offered to cook our meals in exchange of some themselves. Well, why not? We had far too much. This was the night that we got to taste the amazing thing we dubbed OBS rojak.
What is it you ask? Well, a member of my watch, tired of being unable to decide what to cook, shoved pretty much damn well everything into a pot, and everyone around then supported his idea to cook the bitch. A few of the ingredients were rice, maggi mee, baked beans, sardines, anchovies and peanuts. Sauces included. The result? Once again, TOTALLY FREAKING AWESOME!!!!! Exactly how good is it? Simple. A watchmate who didn't have an appetite, after eating one spoonful, pounced on the bugger. That's how good.
I didn't feel like sleeping this night, but apparently I haven't been the only one over the years because the instructors doubled the watch this night, and, while hiding in someone else's tent, I fell asleep. Why was I in someone else's tent? Because, hearing that I wasn't sleeping and having no tent of hs own, someone stole my spot. Oh well. He didn't have one of his own in the first place, so its fine.
Friday: In the end, all good things come to an end. Which sucks. Spent most of the morning accounting for losses, packing our bags and picking up trash at the campsites. After a final debrief by the instructors, we all took our final opportunity to taupok Sam. And I say this with sincere hope, farewell but not goodbye.
Quotes: This entire section is dedicated to Crazy Sam.
- Phwoa! (loudly. This is now his unofficial catchphrase)
- Now, swallow your saliva. If it feels like glue, then you're dehydrated.
- Everyone, remember your sun protection. Drink sunblock and apply water. (He repeated this several times)
- This is muscle ache cream. What you do is apply this on your toothbrush and brush your teeth with it.
- (Indian accent) Welcome to Apu's Kwik-E-Mart. Please take your time to go through our fine selection of finewares.
- (Indian accent) This (picks up an iron-on badge) can cure all eye problems. What you do is, put one over one eye, one over the other and iron them on. Confirm, no more eye problems after that.
- If you see your friend by the side of the raft, his body in the water, smiling, you know what he's doing.
- If you were younger, what colour would you paint the sea? (all murmur blue) What colour is urine? (yellow) Blue and yellow make what? (green) What colour is the sea you're all standing in now? (look down; its green)
- Young man, that's not how you do it. What you should do it take the ten peg, and asked someone with a pure mind to blow on it. Miss, please. (she blows on the tent peg) Now you get someone with a dirty mind. Remember, the mind must be very dirty, and the dirtier the better. Please. (another girl, looking very unhappy, blows on it) Now, what this is is yinyang power. Now with minimal effort, you can straighten it out (he does) Phwoa! See? it works.
- Now, in the day, always walk in at least pairs, and at night always at least in groups of four. Why? Because when a wild boar charges through, bites you by the ear, drags you off and marries you, your friend can be your witness. And at night, you have a witness, a bridesmaid and one last friend to send out wedding invitations.
- Ok, the briefing is over. Everyone, F.O. What? Fall out lah, what were you all thinking?
When I send my children to OBS, I pray they get Crazy Sam as an instructor. Though he probably hopes otherwise.
