Darkness.........and Light
My parents had an argument today. I heard every single word. I tried and tried to screen them out, to not give a damn, but I couldn't. Inside me a sadness and grief started to well up inside me. I thought it ended and heard my mom rushing up the stairs to where my brother and I were. I saw her face and rushed up to give her a hug.And then it happened. I cried. I have not cried since my great-grandmother passed away. I have never cried like this. The salt clung to my eyes, stinging them, but I did not care. I just continued. For at least five minutes. For those of you who don't know, I don't cry easily. At least, not when I'm the one in pain. Here were my parents arguing and I just couldn't take it. I bent over, tears streaming down my face and prayed. I did not utter many words, in fact the entire prayer was over in less than two minutes, but in that two minutes I managed to cover evryone who was close to my heart. God does not need my words to know how I feel. I wish I could say the same of me. Somehow, I know what it is like to do things I have never experienced. I knew what the sea was like before I even saw it. I know how it would feel to be characters in manga strips. I know what it would feel like to have the elements at my beck and call. Yet, I found the one thing that I will never be able to comprehend. Jesus. Today I felt sadness born of love. The sadness of one boy born out of love for his parents. And that sadness nearly killed me. It was the worst I have ever felt. Then I realized how insignificant it was compared to Jesus' pain. He loved the world. He died for the world. He died shouldering the grief and sin of everyone who was before him, everyone who was then, and everyone who was to come after him. And here I was. Faced with the grief of two people. And it nearly killed me. Now I realize just how small and weak I am. I did not even know what they really felt and He did. I know how insignificant I am. And yet, He finds me worthy of His love. I don't deserve it. This is what makes me me. This unconditional love gives me strength to love others. Without it, I wouldn't exist. Now I feel a lot better. I want to help others. I want to ease thier pain.
*gor* prayedÃÂ
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9:21 PMÃÂ
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